so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
