What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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