Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
