Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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