Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
