It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize