You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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