Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
