I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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