Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i came on her dog
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
