I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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