??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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