DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
