please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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