hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
