obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
