guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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