Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
