Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
