Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
