No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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