i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
