ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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