Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
