Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
