I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Farmville is her only friend.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
