Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
