Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
