i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
