I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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