we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
