Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
