don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
