She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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