Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
