I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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