I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
