We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
