So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
