She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
