Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
