You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
tell me about the fingering
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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