Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize