Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
