So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No subtext here. People are naked.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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