i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
