she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
