I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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