Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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