Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
