he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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