wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
