There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
