It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
