i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
