She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
