I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
