I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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