she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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