I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
