Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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