Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
