I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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