So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
