I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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