you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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