just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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