i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
