tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
