Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize